Day 298 – Timing is everything.

Doug says it takes 7 hours 15 minutes to get to our vacation spot and that the realtor where we need to pick up keys closes at 6PM.  So by his calculations he wants to leave by 9:30.  He says that gives us a whole hour and 15 minutes extra time.  Have the last 7 years of traveling with kids taught you nothing?  We will make potty stops at least every 2 hours and each of those will last at least 20-30 minutes (assuming people actually can coordinate their pee schedules which is not likely).  We will have to stop for lunch and by stop I don’t mean go through the McDonald’s drive thru.  Inevitably we will miss at least one exit or turn because you will be distracted or irritated by the boys’ behavior in the back seat and the last 4 long trips we have taken we have made emergency vomit stops because one of the boys has thrown up all over the car.  Oh, and don’t forget if you aim for a 9:30 departure it means we won’t leave until at least 10:00.  So, why don’t we shoot for 8AM departure?   This will be a soft departure time meaning that if we are not in the car and ready to go I won’t be screaming at people.  We can make 9:30 the hard departure if that makes you feel better (meaning at that point I will be either yelling and screaming or will have given up and just be sitting in the car by myself).  Finally, since they already have our money and the house is in the middle of nowhere mountains with no major worries theft or a break in, why don’t we call the realty company and see if they can just leave the key for us somewhere?  I love vacations.  I really do.

Day 297 – Vacation?

It is two days before we leave for a Spring break vacation hiking in the mountains.  My husband has a strained Achilles tendon, my 7 year old is running a fever of 102.5, the cat is stressed out and sure to pee all over everything while we are gone, and the 5 year old keeps asking why we are going to the mountains instead of Florida.   So what part of this is going to be a vacation for me? Oh and packing for this type of trip is not very easy, and nearly impossible with a 7 year old at home who, although still running a fever, wants to have a light saber battle in the living room!

Day 296 – Hello, I’m in here.

For the last two days the county has had men out resurfacing our cross street and for two days in a row I have been stuck because they seem to think it is acceptable to park a huge dump truck in front of my driveway.  Do you not see the driveway?  Do you not understand what a driveway is for?  Do you not see the other side of the street that has no driveways?  Do you assume everyone is at work and nobody will need to use the driveway?  Are you really just oblivious and inconsiderate and could care less about the important play date, yoga class or grocery shopping I have to attend to?  You get a pass for the first day, but by the second day of me having to consistently ask you to move the truck, maybe you would just figure “Oh, that lady uses her driveway.  Maybe I’ll park somewhere else.”  Or, and I know this would be a stretch, if that is the only place your ridiculously large truck fits, ask me to park on the street for a couple of days.  This is not hard, so why is it making my life hard?

Day 295 - Pregnancy and exercise.

No, I’m not pregnant and yes, I still try to exercise.  I do however completely understand if you are pregnant wanting to exercise up until the time your baby is born.  In fact most doctors now encourage women to stay fit as long as they do not start new exercise routines during pregnancy.  I ran/jogged well into my pregnancies and probably did the elliptical trainer and swimming up until the end, so I really do get it.  Well my yoga instructor must be of the same mindset.  She taught class on Tuesday and had her baby on Friday.  I’m happy that she had a healthy, happy pregnancy and apparently a safe delivery, but when teaching the class on Tuesday, did she really have to still be better at yoga than me?  There are some yoga poses that normal humans should be not able to get into, but several more that a pregnant human should not even attempt!  Maybe I’ll just do a full hour of savasana (corpse pose) where I have to just lay on my back, keep breathing and think about nothing.  Sounds easy, but try to do it without falling asleep!  

Day 294 – Monopoly

I don’t understand why this is one of the longest selling family board games on the market?  I hate this game.  I hate how long it takes to set up.  I hate how long it takes to play.  I hate that it is all about money and has 10 zillion parts.  I hate that no matter how hard I try I can never own all four railroads and I mostly hate that they have put out a Star Wars version so that my 7 year old is in love with it and now wants to play it every night.  I further hate that in this Star Wars version my family seems to think I always have to be Princess Leia because it is the only girl character in the whole box.  Only redeeming quality of this game is that I make the 7 year old be the banker so he kind of gets some math practice! The more I can make it seem like homework, the less likely he will be to want to play! 

Day 293 – All the same.

As I was looking around today it occurred to me that I’m pretty much like all the other stay at home moms around me. Yep, I have even started wearing the North Arlington stay at home mom uniform of the day - yoga pants and I love them.  I’m not sure if I should find comfort in blending in because it means there is a large group of women that every day experience struggles similar to mine or maybe I should be troubled because as I feared prior to my retirement, it means that I’m not really very unique and my identity is largely defined by my kids?  Of course my kids are pretty darn cool and so are most of the stay at home moms I deal with everyday, so for now, I'm going to be OK either way!

Day 292 – National Corndog Day

On the first Saturday of the March Madness basketball tournament some friends of ours host a National Corndog Day party.  The challenge out to all (but apparently few choose to participate) is to eat 10 corndogs, 100 tater tots and drink 10 alcoholic beverages.  I’m not sure which aspect of myself should concern me the most: that I am so competitive that a simple “well no girl has ever done it” comment made me feel like I HAD to do it, that I actually completed it in 7 rather than the allowed 12 hours or that the morning after completing it I feel fine?  Oh well.  Happy National Corndog Day!