Day 358 - Help?

So far we have been home from school for 10 minutes and I have had to say:

Your socks don't go there.
Put away your bike helmet.
No, you cannot have a marshmallow for after school snack.
Seriously, put away the marshmallows.
Yes, you have to do your homework before baseball.
No, I don't care when you change into your baseball stuff as long as you are in the car when I leave.
Stop throwing that at your brother.
No light sabers in the house.
Please use your normal words and not your crying voice.
If I see you with your hand in the marshmallows again, you are going to have a big problem.
You can get yourself a glass of milk.
Please just stay away from each other.
Serenity now!
No power tools in the kitchen.
Do not point the nerf guns at people.
Do not point the nerf guns at the cat.
Stop hitting your brother.
Fine, you can have a marshmallow if you will just be quiet and go outside to play.

I may not make it until dinner!

Day 357 - Mommy voice

I might need to tone down the voice I use with the kids.  Two days ago they were acting up at a BBQ place and when I "sternly" corrected them the man behind the counter actually jumped.  Then today at the bus stop I told Lukie to stop using the umbrella as a weapon using my "mommy voice" and one of the dads moved away and got a startled look on his face.  Either my stern voice is much scarier than I ever thought or these guys had some serious PTSD from troubled childhoods.  So why doesn't it work as well on my children?  Maybe if I talk really nice to them in a soft voice it will freak them out, they will wonder what I am up to and actually do what I ask.  Wishful thinking.

Day 356 - 2nd grade orientation

Doug and I sometimes feel that we are too uptight as parents and worry about things we shouldn't.   Well tonight we were introduced to parents that make Doug and I look really mellow and chilled out.

 The 2nd grade orientation for our elementary school included questions like:  "Will textbooks still be used even with each child being issued an iPad?"; "How will you monitor what my child downloads and which apps they will be working with?"; "How much screen time with they actually have because we have strict limits in our house?"; "How are we supposed to know what is actually going on in class?"; and my personal favorite - "What type of negative effects will being exposed to so many pixels at a young age have on my child?"

Here would have been my responses:  "No textbooks anymore, we are just going to let your kids learn everything by Google and Wikipedia.  Isn't that how you answer most of the questions they ask you now anyway?"; "Do you monitor what you child downloads?  I'm pretty sure they have been ordering stuff on your Amazon accounts since they were two."; "If your screen time home limits trump our county wide, award winning curriculum that happens to include an IT component that uses iPads, you are more than welcome to home school your children."; "If you want to know what is actually going on in class here is an interesting idea - sit down and talk with your children each day.  If that doesn't work, I just gave you my phone number and e-mail address along with a weekly newsletter outlining what we are doing.  Read it!"; and "I have no idea how pixels are going to effect your child, but I do know that if they don't use a computer or any other type of electronic device during their 12 years of public schooling, they will not be going to college and likely not be very marketable for a job."

Guess 2nd grade teacher should probably be taken off my list as possible second careers.

Day 355 - When is it OK to cry

I have read (in one of my oh so wonderful parenting books) that one of the worst things you can tell a boy is "stop crying" or "don't cry".  Well personally I can think of a bunch of things that I think would be quite a bit worse to tell a boy, but I understand what they are saying.  We want our boys to be able to cry to express feelings (happy and sad) and to not feel ashamed about having those feelings.   However, we don't want crying to be a manipulative way that a 5 year old gets what he wants because you will do anything to stop that high pitched, nails against a chalkboard sound coming from the back seat of the car as you are sitting in Memorial Day interstate traffic.  So, today Doug tried to get Lukas to stop crying/screaming about something that would have been much better dealt with if he used actual words rather than his screaming/crying/monkey dying sounds at the top of his lungs.  As part of this event, Doug asked the boys, "When is it OK to cry?"  Samson quickly answered from the back seat, "When someone dies."  Then they both started laughing hysterically. So, have the boys heard us talk about the crying thing so much they are messing with us and get it or we are raising little emotionally demented kids?

Day 354 - Exercise revised again.

Got up this morning to go for another bike ride.  I have to admit, it is nice not having my foot hurt as much, but I don't feel like I get as good of a workout as with running.  With that said, I got up and was ready to go when Samson (yes, at 6:15 on a Sunday AM) came into the room and asked if he could come with.  I didn't get much of a workout, but their is nothing like the joy on Samson's face when I told him he rode his longest ride ever and he asked me if we could go again tomorrow morning.  So I gave up the "high" that follows a good bout of exercise, but I got a spiritual high and a memory that will last much longer! (Now if I could just get him to ride faster, I could have both!)

Day 353 - Exercise adjustment

Foot has been bothering me (OK I mean about an 8 on a 1-20 pain scale) for about 5 months now.  Official foot Dr. appointment is not until July, so my pain finally won out over my stubbornness and I decided to ride the bike yesterday rather than run.  Now I am not a competitive exerciser, but a friendly exerciser.  I say "hello" to people and get out of the way if they are faster than me.  I have even been known to adjust my course to avoid passing a fellow female runner who obviously is having a hard day (except of course the young skinny ones that I gladly pass regardless of how much they are struggling).  Anyway, I approached my return to cycling the same and said hello to most of the people on bikes and let people pass and basically was just getting exercise, but also enjoying the time outside and the fact that other people were out that early doing the same thing.  Well this is what I learned.

Runners are relatively nice people.  It is like they have this bond because what they are doing is really miserable, but they know in the end they will be doing good for their bodies and will feel a sense of accomplishment.  They generally greet you on the trail.  Cyclists are mad people.  They want to work out frustrations of the day, week, year, life with speed and watch out if you are the poor little runner or novice cyclist in their way.  Seriously, not one cyclist in over an our of riding returned my greetings.  I did have two cyclists that although they could not take the time to say "hello", they could slow down to yell at people on the trail that were in their way and one actually came too close to me causing me to forget I was clipped into the pedals and fall over and just kept going cursing me under his breath.

Cyclists, if you have this much frustration to get out, take up boxing or something, but act like a civil human on the multi purpose trail meant for everyone to enjoy!  I am clearly a runner and not a cyclist at heart (except when it comes to skinny young people who I like to beat into the ground - when I actually can)!

Day 352 - Laundry

I don't mind doing laundry, but just did it two days ago, so can someone explain what I folded today (again this should be two days of clothing):

PJs - Doug 0, Samson 0, Lukas 8, me 1
Underwear - Doug 6, Samson 4, Lukas 6, me 2
Shirts - Doug 5, Samson 6, Lukas 2, me 2
Shorts - Doug 3, Samson 4, Lukas 2, me 2
Pants - Doug 1, Samson 2, Lukas 2, me 0
Pairs of socks - Doug 6, Samson 6, Lukas 7, me 2

I don't mind doing it, but come on boys.  Do you really need to change underwear twice a day (or more)?  Lukas if you insist on wearing PJs on home days you can just wear the ones you wore to bed and you don't have to change whenever you spill on yourself.  Doug if you come home at 6 and wear a T-shirt for three hours before bed, it is not always dirty and could likely be worn the next day for three more hours.  Help!

Day 351 - Playdates

Got a text last night that the child we were supposed to have a playdate with had a little bit of a cough and might not be able to come.  A cough?  Really, send him over.  I don't mind if he infects my kid. It is supposed to rain all day tomorrow and I will be stuck inside with my very sweet, but very energetic 5 year old.  I will be all alone if you don't come to this playdate!  Then got a text this morning that cough was gone, but child had fallen on the trampoline and spent until late last night in the ER, so parents were going to keep him home.  My first reaction should of course been concern for the other child, but being the cold, heartless person I seem to have evolved into, all I could think was "nooooooo".  Lukie is not going to be happy about this. Then I thought, either this kid is really a little mess (cough and trampoline issues) or the parents really don't want to have a playdate with us!  And so now, how do you fill a rainy day with Lukie?  Bake of course.  Doug I will apologize in advance to you and your waistline for the results! Oh other child is OK by the way and have rescheduled for next week! (I'm not as cold and heartless as I sometimes sound.)

Day 350 - The guilt never stops

Samson's class is going on a field trip.  Lukie's class has their Spring concert.  I can't be both places at one time.  It is physically impossible to do both.  So why do I feel so bad about it?  Samson doesn't care that I am not going to his thing.  He is going to the zoo.  We have been to the zoo together a bunch of times.  I help out in his class all the time.  Lukas would probably not notice if I didn't make his concert either (as long as Daddy showed up), but it is a one time thing and I want to see it.  That is why I feel bad.  By picking Lukie's concert I feel like I am doing something for me (although I would still probably rather be at the spa than a pre-school concert - not bad, just honest).  This mommy thing really messes with your mind. (or at least mine) (or my mind was messed up before mommy hood, but now it is just way out in the open for all to see on a regular basis).

Day 349 - It is all your fault Mommy

Lukas if you fall and hurt yourself on the playground this is in no way, shape or form my fault.  Unless of course I tripped you (tempting if you keep screaming at me for things that are not my fault) or if you base your falling on bad genetics.  It is also not my fault when you slam your fingers in the door as they are not my fingers and I am not the one who shut the door.  It is finally not my fault that you cannot put your toy car back in the house.  Yes, I am the one who locked the door to the house, but you are the one who did not listen the three times I told you to put it in the house and you are the one who has baseball practice that is requiring us to leave the house (and therefore lock it) in the first place.  If you are going to yell at me for something, at least pick something that is my fault - you being so smart, handsome or charming.  Those you can blame me for any day!

Day 348 - I am sure if you just...

Note to husband and children:  When I can't get the computer, dishwasher, lawn mower, iPad, oven, bird feeder, and/or garage door opener to work the way it is supposed to, it might not be user error.  It might actually mean that particular thing does not work or is having some trouble.  The thing's inability to work properly is not always (in fact is rarely) a result of my lack of knowledge, ability or general incompetence.  I know you all might find it hard to believe or remember, but mommy was really smart once (and still is sometimes), but the fact that three boys (yes you heard me Daddy counts as a little boy sometimes) are constantly demanding my time, brain power, energy and attention.   This or my gender do not negate my ability to operate mechanical or electronic things!  My inability to complete more than one side of the Rubix cube or beat my 7 year old in chess are also not related to my gender, but are in fact me and not the cube or the chess set. (you got me on those two Samson)

Day 347 - Elementary Orientation

We were totally busted by Samson's old and possibly Lukie's future kindergarten teacher as we snuck out, yes snuck out of the middle of the kindergarten orientation.  We used it as an excuse to get out of the house without Samson saying, "You always go out without us." (not true) "Why do you two have to have dinner alone."  (impossible to explain to a 7 year old without totally blowing your mind).  Anyway we made an appearance to at least see who the two new teachers are and if they had any major changes to the curriculum like:  now we teach them to sneeze into their hands rather than their elbows or we focus on secondary rather than primary colors.  Listened to the introductions and when we were supposed to exit to visit classrooms, we exited to the car and went out to dinner.  Ultimately you may think this means we care less about Lukie's start of education than we did Samson's, but in reality, we have become ninjas of elementary school parenting, laughed at the fear and confusion on the new parents' faces, value our private time more than we used to and trust that the teachers will either figure Lukie out (and explain him to us hopefully) or send him home to be home schooled (not happening).  Dinner was good, but do feel like a little rule breaker (not normal for me) whenever I see the teacher who busted us.  She simply asked me the next day, "Missed you in my class.  Did you have an early dinner reservation?"

Day 346 - Sleep or sneeze?

Allergy doctor started me on new allergy med to help with hives.  Not helping with hives, but very sleepy all day.  Don't want to run with the kids at the playground or cook or pretty much do anything.  Want to sit on couch and sleep.  Oh and also not helping with hives.  The only good thing is that I got 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep for 4 nights.  The bad part is that it is supposed to be allergy medicine and not a sleep aide and of course even with all that sleep I am still falling asleep on the playroom floor if I sit down to play with Lukas.  "Mommy get up it is your turn again.  Mommy do you need a nap?"  So, I took myself off the medicine and what happened?  Last night without allergy meds, I got about 4 hours of sleep.  Was up at random intervals and unable to go back to sleep thinking about the snack for Lukie's class, the work we are having done to the house, the upcoming field trip, what we are having for dinner (you know really important stuff that should be keeping me awake at night).   What is in this stuff and if this is how an allergy pill (that isn't supposed to make me lethargic) makes me feel, I am certainly not cut out for heavy alcohol consumption or recreational drugs!

Day 345 - Random bad mommy thoughts today.

I hope my kids don't like the new ice cream flavor The Tonight Dough because I LOVE it and don't want to share even though I just got on Lukie's case about sharing.  I love watching Samson at the 1st grade poetry jam, but do I really have to listen to 120 other kids poems?  Can't they just give us time slots to show up for our kid?  OK poetry thing actually went really quickly and was kind of cute.  If there are 10 treadmills open in the gym, why does the little skinny, tan, semi-model girl have to decide to take her jog next to me?  I'm going to try to drip some sweat on her on purpose and may even find her in the locker room later and force feed her a donut or two. I don't care if you like them, we are not eating buttered noodles again for dinner.  You don't want to play with me right now because I'm a girl?  Guess what, I'm going to be a girl forever, so either get used to it or clear me of playing responsibilities now and I'll find something else to do.  Oh and by the way, whenever we play Star Wars ships I can be Luke Skywalker if I want to.  I don't always have to be Chewbacca (who was a boy by the way) or Princess Leia (who by the way was giving orders to most of the boys in the movie and is pretty darn good with a blaster).  If the cat wants to go out, let her out.  I know you think she will disappear, but she knows where the food is and I am NOT going to start cleaning up her pee again because she is stressed from being inside.  Do my kids realize that the amount they yell at me is inversely proportional to the chances of them getting what they were yelling at me about in the first place?

Day 344 - $7 shipping

Most companies that I order from online will now give free shipping and returns for any order over $50.  So I went on to order some underwear for the boys and my total came to $47.  During the checkout process I was then informed that I would be charged $7 for shipping and if the darn underwear don't fit I would of course have to pay return shipping.  I'm not great at math, but seems pretty simple to me...if I spend $3 more, I save $7 in shipping charges.  So I diligently went in search of something that we needed/wanted that was $3.  After at least 20 minutes of searching it became obvious this was not going to happen.  So I decided to just get something that was $8.  After all, I would pay $1 more than the shipping, but at least I would get something for it.  Something I didnot really want or need, but something!  After several more minutes of searching, I found something. So I went to checkout and my total was $55 and change, but I was still being charged shipping.  What the heck.  Upon closer inspection I realized that my original $47 was the total including tax and that my total before tax had to be over $50 to not pay the $7 shipping.  Are you kidding me?  Forget it.  My time and sanity have to be worth $7.  I just ordered the darn underwear and paid the shipping costs.

Day 343 - Tents

There is a tent in my living room.  Actually I should say my living room is currently a tent.  Three days ago the boys decided they wanted to sleep in a tent.  Doug has a phobia about building blanket forts that will fall on the boys at night and suffocate them. (come on Doug they are 7 and 5 years not 7 and 5 months)  However, I try to respect some of his parental concerns and it is actually easier to set up one of our real camping tents than attempt to design a stable blanket fort that will meet all the needs of the boys (you try to design an escape pod with a king size sheet and fleece blanket).  Anyway, tent is up and three nights in a row both boys (after 5 minutes in tent) have decided maybe sleeping on the ground floor while parents are upstairs is not all that fun or exciting.  Maybe infact it is a little scary.  But can I take the tent down?  Of course not, because TONIGHT is the night they are actually going to sleep in it.  Whatever, if that is all it takes to keep them happy..tent can stay up for weeks!

Day 342 - The dreaded call

I got the dreaded call today.  When you look at your cell phone and it says "Trinity Pre-school" and you look at your watch and school doesn't end for another hour.  Instantly all the possibilities go through your head - did he fall, did he vomit, is he running a fever, did he hit someone, did someone hit him, did he curse at someone, who did he bite?  Ends up he bumped his head and they wanted me to come get him early.  When I was working, this would have turned into an internal (and somewhat external battle).  Was he really hurt bad enough for me to have to take him home or could I just go and calm him down?  What meetings/projects did I have that might suffer if I went and got him?  Would he have to be out tomorrow too? Could Doug go get him because my boss was going to look at me funny because this was the third time this month one of the kids has had an issue?  I would have asked the daycare provider questions attempting to make some type of determination on his conditions not necessarily because I was worried about him (although I would have been), but because I was worried about how it would effect my work schedule.  Today I was in the middle of lunch with some wonderful ladies who both just looked at me and instantly understood that I would be leaving lunch a little early.  They even packed up some cookies to take to my "injured" boy.  It feels good to worry about what matters most to me rather than what a boss or an organization thinks "should" matter to me.  I think it is possible to and wish I had done a better job of that while I was working!

Day 341 - Bird Bath Project

For several weeks Samson and I have been talking about building our own birdbath.  This came about largely because I am overly thrifty (cheap) and refuse to pay $100+ for some slab of concrete that the birds are going to splash and poop in.  So I researched and with help from the neighbor were ready to embark on this project with my excited 7 year old who loves birds and projects that are messy.  Five minutes before our start, the Amazon guy pulls into the driveway to deliver a lego Jedi Interceptor.  Needless to say, all interest in birdbath project was gone.  I did it without kids.  Then this morning I was in Samson's class and got a look at his journal entry.  It talked about his lego ship and how excited he was and finally said how proud he was of himself because he built it all alone because his mommy was out building a bird bath.  I can take this two ways.  I can assume the teacher now thinks I am a freak for buiding my own bird bath and feel guilty that my child had to put this lego thing together by himself or I can pat myself on the back for allowing Samson the freedom to really test his full lego building potential without me looking over his shoulder.  I'm going to go with pat on my back.  Now, the real question is will we end up with two bird baths because when I unveil my creation in two days the boys will clearly think it is so cool they want to make one!

Day 340 - The ultimate threat

I stayed up way too late last night getting out the kids summer clothes and swaping them out for the winter ones.  Based on past likes/dislikes witgh clothing, I made piles of clothes for them to put away.  Lukas had a bunch of t-shirts handed down (I think he is the 4th kid to wear most of them).  Samson historically does not like shirts with stuff printed on them, so he had 4-5 new t-shirts right out of the package.  So, although this is the way it has always been for several years, Lukas was screaming because he did not have any new clothes and Samson was screaming because he didn't have any cool t-shirts with Star Wars or Ninjago printed on them!  I stayed calm and with blinding speed told them both that if they did not like what they had, they could come shopping with me next week.  Suddenly everyone was happy! (for a few minutes until Samson asked why we couldn't just buy it all on Amazon prime).

Day 339 - What?

Was on the phone with my parents the other morning and telling them that I was already worn out.  They both laughed and said insinuated that it was my own fault because I play too much with my kids and now the expect it.  Wait a minute.  This is my parents saying this?  Did you not play with me?  Did you just send me outside to face the world on my own while you read the Sunday morning paper in peace?  I thought I was supposed to want to hang out with my kids.  I was shocked beyond words.  Then it occured to me....when you only get a couple of hours a day with your kids (working mom), their is an incredible amount of guilt when you are attempting to fix dinner and one of them says "Mommy will you please play  with me."  Guess now that I am home and spend most of their waking hours with them (at least in Lukie's case) I still have not gotten over that guilt.  Plus my kids are pretty darn cool.

Day 338 - So much for the environment

Thought we were being all clean and green last year when we gave up our yard service and bought out own electric battery powered lawn mower.  Actually giving up the yard service was more a decision based on my employment status vs enviro. friendly, but we certainly bought an electric battery powered over a gasoline mower for environmental reasons (or so we thought).  Very quiet, works well, easy to move around, not bad for the environment.  That was last year.  OK, it is still quiet, easy to move around and not giving off the biproducts of burning gasoline into the air, but currding the yard yesterday it died halfway claiming a low battery charge.  This thing has been sitting around charging in my garage for an entire week and it can't finish mowming my postage stamp yard.  No, I think the thing is malfunctioning and that we were suckers to pay to much extra money for it!  And I even like to mow the grass!  So I was able to mow my grass for a year with this thing without it acting up.  I wonder which is worse from a "green" perspective:  1) using a gasoline mower or 2) every two years having to throw my electric mower away because the crappy thing is too delicate and breaks when the grass is damp or too hard to mow?

Day 337 - Happy Mother's Day?

Hubby is flying to London in the early morning hours of Mother's Day, so for Mother's Day what I am really  getting is a week alone with by boys.  Part of this is good (cereal or pancakes for dinner and baths every 4 days rather than every two), but some is bad (nobody to do the dishes or distract them or talk to over the age of 7).  So when Doug asked "what should we do for Mother's Day," I quickly responded with "Take me to London of course."  I quickly came to my senses and realized this is not possible, I thought about it and decided I would go treat myself to a mani/pedi on Saturday before.  When I mentioned this Doug said, "Oh, well I need to get my bike ride in that morning."  He than asked if I had mailed a card to his mom.  No, she is not my mom and you saw her/gave her a gift in person earlier this week.  "No, I still need to get her a card."  So while I am getting your mom a card I might as well get one for myself (and let the boys sign it) and I'll get myself some flowers while I am at it!  At least they are not making me take them to a Civil War reenactment or the Air and Space Museum (again).

Day 336 - Its getting hot in here.

I do not feel it is my responsibility to physically dress my 5 and 7 year olds.  Rather I prefer to give them some basic guidance like "that looks really silly" or "everyone will make fun of you if you wear that".  Since I consider myself anything but a fashion expert (unless you consider t-shirts and Tevas high fashion of course), I do not actually give opinions or advice on how the boys dress.  It is one area I feel I can give them some freedom or control over their daily lives, but I do like to give strong suggestions when it comes to comfort and temperatures.  This seems only reasonable as I am the one who has unfettered access to TV and internet which provide a neverending (and about 1/2 the time actually correct) weather forcast.  So, when I tell Lukas that it is going to be 85 out and he needs to wear short sleeves and shorts, but he refuses and chooses to go to school in sweatpants and a long sleeved shirt, I feel my responsibilty as a parent has been fulfilled and some things just have to be learned the hard (and sweaty) way. Of course it got to 84 that day and of course based on our converstation Lukas refused to admit defeat and wore his sweaty little outfit all day on the playground and to the park, but he did not complain once (you have to admire that kind of stubbornness a little).  I did notice today he at least wore short sleeves.  Would it really hurt you so much to admit that Mommy was right?  Yes, apparently it would.

Day 331-335 - Computer Down Hard

Lukas was having his evening screen time the other night when he suddenly closed the lid to the laptop shutting down the movie he was watching.  I found this a little strange as 1) nobody had to tell him once, much less 10-20 times that his allotted time was up and 2) his time was not actually up and Lukie ending a screen session early is close to witnessing a miracle.  So I just asked Lukie why he turned it off and he shyly said it had just turned off on its own. This had me suspicious, so I a few more probing questions, but got the same type of answer about the show not being over, but it just turning off on its own.  Now I'm not saying I don't trust my kid, but I know Lukie well enough to know that if the computer had mysteriously shut down during the middle of his movie he would NEVER have calmly closed the laptop and moved on.  He would have screamed at the computer and anyone within a 10 feet radius that we were destroying his life because the stupid movie was off.  So in my doubt I opened the laptop to find milk spilled across the keyboard and a very guilty looking Lukie.  In fairness, the computer had been overheating anyway and the milk was probably just a good excuse for the thing to officially shut down (or fry the motherboard whatever that means).  So, sadly it has taken me 5 days to figure out how to access this page without the link that was on the laptop.  Parenting lesson - no before bed bowls of cereal should be eaten at the laptop.  In fact, maybe the laptop should be kept in a room other than the kitchen? Just a thought.