Day 193 – I am crazy.

Doug just called and read me some of the Coast Guard CAPT assignment results.  It upset me.  I have no idea why, but it clearly upset me.  Funny, I did not want to sit around and wait to be told by the Coast Guard that in their view I was not good enough to be a CAPT, but at the same time part of me wishes I had given myself the chance.  Then again, what does it even mean to be a CAPT?  More retirement money, but beyond that??????  Maybe it isn’t even that, but it is just that I still don’t know what I am doing.  Doug tried to help by saying “What you do now has more impact than anything you ever did in the CG.” Nice try.  What that did was belittle any impact I might have had.  He went on to say, “You are raising our children.  That is important.”  Couldn’t agree more that it is important, but I was doing that before too, just differently.  Ok guess this means I still am having some transition issues.  Who knew I had such a big ego?  I might have to venture into page 3 of “How to make a living without a job.”  Obviously I’m going to have to figure out how to change the world one laundry load at a time.